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Handicapable

Jan28

Wheelchairs suck. That’s all there is to it. Having to be pushed around by someone else is never an fun idea, suppositionally or in actuality. I’m generally a positive person, but if there’s one sure way to bring you down- it’s a wheelchair, literally. I hate being in a wheelchair. I hate having to sit all the time, I hate having to push myself with wheels that collect dirt etc as I go. I hate it when people look at me like I’m broken. News flash- I’m a pretty damn strong lady. If you think because I’m in a wheelchair and you held the door for me that you are a good person, thank you, but that doesn’t count for your good deed of the day. I’m just as normal as you,  except I happen to be going through visible hard times. Harder than you think, and no I still don’t want your sympathy.

I don’t want to NEED someone to help me. I don’t want it at all. But I do need it. And therefore I blame my wheelchair. Admit it, when you see someone in a wheelchair, you wonder what their sad story is… or you rush to try to help them. But you aren’t helping because it makes it easier on me/them. It’s to make yourself feel better.

I’m going through so many internal and external struggles right now I couldn’t even list them on all my fingers and toes. But I’m pushing through it… I’m keeping my chin up for the most part. Today, I feel angry, tomorrow I may feel apathetic towards it all.

At some point soon, I will write a blog capturing my hospital stay last week (8 days this time). But not right now. Right now, I’m going to practice walking. Because that’s what I have to do. In physical therapy I can now stand up, and [make a step]. And then after one step, there are more.

This week I started my step towards a new happiness. As my dad recently told me, my life is not ever going to be what I wanted or expected it to be…. and I have to deal with that.  I realized that was true. It was a harsh realization, but then I realized something else. Maybe the life I thought I wanted- maybe the path I thought I needed to follow- wasn’t. Maybe this new path has been meant for me all along and will make me better for who I am now.

Just a thought.

 

XoXo Becca

So much… (Part II)

Dec30

Party in the hospital room :)

So, this will be a mini-update, and after the new year, I think I will write a comprehensive overview of what I’ve gone through the past month or so- perhaps a series of updates on each topic. *Remind me to write a post on how being in a wheelchair does not make me any different from most anyone else. I’ve just gone through a hell of a lot more- most likely. So please don’t feel sorry for me.*

Anyways, so my dear family friend Bob came to my rescue at the hospital. A few days later in the hospital, my parents returned from vacation.  Lots of doctors came in and out, and I had several scans, MRI’s etc. No one could figure out what was wrong. It seemed disappointing that because the doctors could not find anything at that time, they almost seemed to discount me. However, I (<–very capital ‘I’) was still the one in very much pain, and had no use of my entire right leg.  It went on like this for the entire week I was hospitalized.

Honestly, the only positive that came out of the stay was how much I could see everyone cares about me. In addition to the well wishes from my friends and family online and via telephone. I had lots of visitors. All at once! It was a giant coincidence, but one of the days, I had a room FULL of visitors. Within about thirty minutes, in addition to my parents, my ex-boyfriend’s parents (whom I am still close with and honored to have them in my life) showed up expectedly, then one of my best friends (Stephanie) and her mom came to visit, and then my hairdresser of almost a decade all came in at once. It was overwhelming and wonderful.

Other than that, I’m sorry that I can’t give you a diagnostic update. One possible diagnosis, is ‘Conversion’ syndrome. I’m not a fan of the diagnosis… being psychiatric. Essentially it is like PTSD. Another possibility is RSD, a neurological nerve disease. Neither are great options for me, but nothing really is at this point. I will try to give updates as they come, as each doctor’s visit occurs, etc. So far, I’ve seen a neurologist, who I will see twice more in January,  a Psychiatrist, and am attending regular Physical Therapy- with a Neurology specializing Physical Therapist. I have an appointment scheduled in February with the Pain Management Clinic.

For now, my leg is still painful, I am on way too much medication, and am restricted to a wheelchair.  Hopefully we will figure something out.

Thats the key right now- the hardest part for me is HOPE. Having gone through this last year, I feel like everything I am going through is just reliving it. It’s like watching a horrible movie over and over again. You don’t like it, you don’t want to see it, but you are forced to see each and every scene. It’s hard to explain, but that in and of itself is making this time around a lot harder. So… I am trying to keep my chin up.

——-

Other than that, I will definitely keep you updated. One update- I have finally received the gift from lupus of joint pain. Some days, every one of my joints from my knees to the knuckles in my pinky fingers, it just hurts- bad. Surprisingly Aleve is pretty helpful.

Talk to you soon…

XoXo Becca     *Happy New Year*

So much for the ‘good times’… (Part 1)

Dec11

THE FIRST NIGHT:

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Original incident. Alone this time, no photos until later on in the stay.

Well, according to my last post… LIFE was great. It was. I had my health, my job, and happiness with life in general.

Then, a day or two later it wasn’t. Why? Oh…Same old, same old.  This time I was laying in bed- I felt a sharp and terrible pain in my right hip. I tried to change positions and I could not move my right leg.  Immediately, panic, fear, and terror filled my veins. My parents’ (whom I’m currently living with for support) were on a cruise. Luckily I had my cell phone nearby, because I had to find which cruise ship they were on, call it’s emergency line, and try not to give my mother a heart attack while telling her what was occuring. After that brief conversation I called 911. Luckily we have a ‘code lock’ to our front door along with a key lock so I was able to give the police officers who arrived first the lock code. Then EMS and the firemen arrived.

By this time, it must have been almost 2 in the morning. I had my parents’ 2 dogs on my bed, my 2 cats, and 4-6 emergency responders all in my bedroom. Not to mention I was wailing tears because this had happened again. IT had happened again…

It was pure CHAOS, and strangely with so many people (and animals) around me, I had never felt so alone.

One of the police officers managed to carry the small dogs downstairs for me while I told the paramedics as much as I could manage to convy. Luckily my mom ended up calling back and I believe that I just flat out handed the phone to one of the men…or held it in the air until they got the picture. I was in excruciating pain in a leg that I couldn’t even feel. It seems paradoxical- but it was true. And still is. Once the emergency crew got my vitals, and basic information, they decided to take me to the hospital. My hospital: University of Colorado Hospital- Denver (about a 30 minute drive).  Four men carried me down the curving stairs of my house in what I can best describe as a body-bag  with handles and without a zipper. I felt utterly helpless, and literally had my ‘life’ in these mens’ hands. Then off I went- to the land of doctors and needles.

I get to the hospital, slightly less hysterical than previously mentioned, and am immediately taken to a room. I was helpless, I was alone, and all I wanted to was be ‘normal’ for a change… so I wouldn’t even have the chance to be telling this story! The medicine they gave me wasn’t strong enough, their bedside manner wasn’t calm enough, and worst of all I felt absolutely terrible ruining the second to last day of my parents’ vacation!

Sometime soon after, my mother got back in touch with me through the hospital phone, to the room I was in. Somehow I felt relief she had managed this difficult feat. As quickly as the feelings of happiness came, they were quite literally drained from me. Luckily, as I lost all control of my bladder I was still in the paramedics’ ‘body-bag’ so it was somewhat easy for the nurses to clean up. Although, apparently not easy enough, since one of the nurses asked me to stand up so they could change the bed. If I had the least bit of emotional strength left in me I would have screamed at her “I’m f–king paralyzed b-tch. Do you pay attention at all?!” (My apologies for the ill-mannered thoughts)

But I didn’t have the strength, so I remained silent- perhaps mute- at my utter embarrassment and disdain for my own body.

Shortly after, my dear family friend “Uncle” Bob arrived after hearing the news through my mother’s tears in which she will never admit existed. Bob was my saving grace. I always tell everyone I’m ok alone, I don’t need anyone in the hospital with me, etc. And honestly until that night- I was fine alone. But that night, everything changed. This one time freak accident/illness had recurred…and that made it real.

It was more real than the first hospitalization almost a year ago to the date, where I spend 16 days including Thanksgiving on the Neurology floor. It was more real that all the steroids that caused me to gained almost 50lbs. And it was even more real than all my plasmapheresis and chemotherapy combined.

It was devastating.

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Not to be dramatic by any means, but this is all I can tell (re-live) for tonight.  Thanks for reading, thanks for caring. I will try to finish up this experience tomorrow.

-Becca
XOXO

One year, anniversary of diagnosis Nov. 14, soon after I started my blog.

Nov29

More than an anniversary, an accomplisment, and a year of hardships and triumphs, all interwoven within each other.

You never know what the future holds…

This ‘award’ Inspires me to keep pushing, keep writing, and keep living 1000%!

I got through the worst year of my life, so now I’m out to make the best years of my life come true. Struggles or no struggle, I’ve seen where I’ve come from and where I’ve been. Now it’s up to me to make the best of whatever it is that may come my way in the future.

Now that it has officially been one year since my dramatic paralysis and ultimate diagnosis of SLE Lupus, and various other issues, I have so much to look back upon, and be thankful for what I have NOW… When I think I am feeling poorly somedays (which inevitably happens with Lupus)- all I need to do is close my eyes and think of what I was doing at this time last year. My answer usually comes up as things like ‘Hospital Thanksgiving Dinner‘ <— not recommended.  Or pretty soon, it will be a year since my first chemotherapy treatment. Or plasmapheresis. Or my annual bronchitis. Or some general other hospital stay, or surgery.  On my ‘bad days’ now, I can look forward to the good ones to come- compared to the seemingly less hopeful days of my past year.   :)

Wish me luck… I think this year is going to be a great one. I’m going to get back into shape- gently. And try to have a happy mind and body! <3  I suppose those could be some sort of early New Year’s Resolution…? Perhaps!  Lots of thinking to do.

Ok, goodnight all!!! And Happy Holidays- more specifically Chrismahanakwanzaka!

I’ll keep in touch :) And you do the same… please! I love to hear feedback and know that someone out there is reading this. I hope it helps not just me as an emotional outlet, but others as a personal information source.

Rebecca xoxo

Lupus- [I'm] Stronger than ever!

Oct2

Update!!!!

Right now, I feel as healthy as I have EVER been. No I am not ‘normal’ and never will be. But who want’s to be normal anyways?!  Yes, I have regular visits to the Rheumatologist, along with a handful of other doctors (internal medicine, orthopedics, etc), and I get tired of going back and forth- but you know what- they keep me HEALTHY. I feel a lot better now than I ever did on Chemotherapy and Plasmapherisis.

For those that are curious, here’s my medicine update: I am on Cymbalta (non narcotic miracle drug for body pain AND anxiety), Cellcept (an organ donor recipient anti-rejection medication- because my body’s cells fight against themselves.), a lower dose of Prednisone (7.5mg down from 80!) and a few different vitamin supplements, pain, and sleeping medications. That’s it. It’s about half of what I was on when I last posted in May! It seems like a lot of to some people, but it keeps me healthy. I feel great. My blood work is great. I have not been to the ER or hospitalized since July! That means I went an entire two months without lying in a hospital bed. THAT is a big step.

So, I feel good. I feel great. I still have some hard days, and I’m sure I will have many more to come. But I’m living in the present- and right now it feels good.

Over the summer, I got a job working for a real-estate company in the Marketing department.

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View from my office desk!

It’s a growing company, I built most of the website, made the design and branding, and feel like I actually made a difference for the company. I must admit- I think getting out of the house and having something to do, to keep you busy, is important in the health of your mind.

I also broke my foot. I’m sure it’s related to the lupus or the medications somehow, but that didn’t stop me. I went to New York for 8 days (for my job) and walked around with my broken foot ‘air boot’/cast until I physically wore it out. I guess I pushed a little too hard with it. Story of my life!  But my foot is better now, 7 weeks later!

All good news :)

On a separate note, I signed up for Aflac last week. I was pretty excited, that even with a part-time job, and Lupus, they would still let me enroll in the ‘hospitalization plan’ where they pay you several hundreds of dollars per night in the hospital. A day or so later, the representative emailed me with sincere apologies. She said that in the past year the plans have changed, and because of my diagnosis of Systemic Lupus, I could not enroll. I was saddened and hit rather hard by this fact. My exact thoughts were, “Wow, I guess they realized how serious Lupus really is.”  But I quickly turned my frown upside down :) I realized that I have gotten along all this time without hospital coverage from Aflac, and frankly it was greedy of me to want to sign up…knowing inevitably I will be hospitalized at some point in the future…and ream the ‘benefits.’ So why should I need that coverage anyways? Why should I want to profit off of my own pain? I DON’T.  When I realized that, I realized something within me had changed. My mindset, my world view.  I want to be me for me. Not me, the girl with lupus. Nothing can hold me back! (Hopefully!! haha)

Anyways, I will continue blogging, while I’m feeling well, and when I get to feeling sick again- whenever that may be. Hopefully the following posts aren’t as scatter-brained as this one, but it’s been a while since I wrote really. So I had/have a lot of catching up to do!

Moral of the story today really goes back to the quote I posted the other day. Obviously I would rather not be sick, I’d rather run marathons, be skinny again, and lots of other things. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The respect for life, people, and the world around me, are completely worth all the heartache and pain I’ve been through recently. I’ve learned who my friends are, and who they AREN’T. True friends are the ones that stick around when things get tough. And I am so lucky to have those kinds of people in my life.

It has been 10 1/2 months since my diagnosis, and it already feels like a LIFETIME ago. Just remember, you never know what’s coming around the corner… so make sure you are happy with where you are and what you are doing, and if you’re not- then fix it! :) Please.

ImageSo I will end my most random but wonderful blog post, with another quote. “I may not have ended up where I intended going, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.” -Douglas Adams

So true.

Talk to you soon <3

xoxo Becca

30 Days of Truth- Day 1

May30

30 Days of Truth- Day 1- What do you hate about yourself?

What I HATE about myself?? Hate is such a harsh word! But if I had to come up with something, I’d say I hate how I cannot quit while I’m ahead. I should know by now that I have a limit on how much I can do. For example, 3 days of waking up early and doing fun stuff non-stop until late at night. The drinking with family and friends probably didn’t help either. But I have noticed a pattern in my behavior. That pattern is, if I do lots of stuff, for an extended period of time, I will pay for it via my Lupus. First, my grandmother came in early May. We had tons of fun, planted lots of flowers and vegetables, and had fun for days and days. Well, a few days after she left, I was hospitalized (of which I wrote about in the previous blog).  I got out of the hospital and within a week my cousin and her husband came to visit. We wanted to give them the ‘Colorado experience,’ so went out to eat at a restaurant in the mountains, we took them to Red Rocks amphitheatre, and went to the casino….all in the first night! I also took them up to Estes Park, and Rocky Mountain National Park, Old Chicago to have drinks with friends, hot tubbing, and a BBQ. Well, by the day they left (Monday), I could barely get out of bed because everything hurt so bad. My wrists, elbows, knees, and ankles were all swollen and extremely painful. My dad had to help me walk downstairs because it felt like I was walking on two broken ankles. Now, I do have to admit that I had a bit to drink the night before, which probably compounded with the fatigue and lupus symptoms. By Tuesday I could walk alright, but I stayed in bed the entire day due to extraordinarily painful stomach cramping and spasms. Which is the same thing that put me in the hospital a little more than a week ago. The only reason I didn’t go back to the hospital is because I just had a full workup and knew I would be ok. So I loaded up on the stomach cramping medicine (doxycycline) which helped minimally at best. It wasn’t until I took two of my morphine pills that I was able to function a little, and went downstairs to make some food to eat.

I was wondering, if anyone who has lupus has this type of stomach issue. It doesn’t have to be accompanied by an ‘upset stomach,’ but can be. The way I’d describe it is like gas pain x 50….or more. And it’s throughout my intestines. A friend and I call it the demons in my stomach, because sometimes you can see it spasming all over. The doctor in the hospital thought it is most likely inflammation in the lining of my intestines, kind of like pleurisy of the lungs…which IS a common lupus symptom.

Anyways, I went to my new primary care physician today and I absolutely love her. Even though I was 25 minutes late (oops!) she sat with me for the better part of an hour, listened to all of my crazy history, and actually seemed to comprehend it and take it all in. She changed around my sleeping medicines because I was concerned 3 different medicines were too many. So now I am going to try 2mg of Klonopin every night instead of Ambien, Klonopin, AND Trazadone. She also refilled my morphine— thank goodness! (I need it worse than ever with this new stomach issue I’m having). She gave me the 30mg extended release for daily use and 30 pills that are 15mg of instant release for breakthrough pain. She also changed my stomach spasm medication to something way more intense, called DONNATAL. Hopefully it will work better, but I don’t pick it up from the pharmachy until tomorrow. So I’ll have to let you know on that one.

My first physical therapy appointment (evaluation) is tomorrow, and hopefully doing physical therapy again will help relieve some of my hip and knee pain. I’m excited to go to the physical therapy appointment, because they will be able to tell me what kind of workouts other than just yoga that I can do at the gym.  Because I am ready to work out and get into super good shape! I have a new goal: to climb all 52 of the 14′ers in Colorado. [for those of you that don't know, that's all the 14,000+ foot mountains in the state]

Back to the subject of what I hate about myself… I hate how I just can’t quit while I’m ahead. As I was saying above, I have definitely noticed a pattern. I will just go, go, go, and I keep going, until I’m falling asleep at the dinner table- literally. Then I’m in bed for days because I just had to have fun with everyone else. I need to learn my limit, which I am quickly doing.  Although, health wise is not the only think I don’t quit while I’m ahead with. I typically talk myself into a hole and wish my foot into my mouth!!! lol.  Hate is a strong word, but I guess being too determined is an alright thing to have to hate about myself.

What about you guys? What is something you hate about yourself? Hopefully nothing! But I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Hopefully the physical therapy appointment goes well tomorrow. I’ll write about it! Until then, ttyl!

xoxo Beccaboo

My Symptoms (PHOTOS)

Apr12

MRSA- The reason I will never have a roomie in the hospital again :)

This link is posted in the toolbar above listed under the “About me (and my lupus)” link.

>>> My Symptoms (PHOTOS). <<<

In case you missed this link in the toolbar above…. I’ll be adding more photos soon. Now, I need some sleep!

Big Stuff Happening!

Jan17

I’ve had a pretty busy couple of weeks. I think I had something like 9 doctors’ appointments in 5 days, not including Physical Therapy!

♥ Doctor Visits ♥

Primary Care Physician- who seemed to be a bitoverwhelmed by my massive amount of ‘history.’

She recommended I see a Psychiatrist once or twice, to check in with my medications and that I’m dealing with all these life changes alright— which I saw him today– I am! I passed the psych test I guess, he was a nice guy. Graduated OVER 50 years ago, so he really knows what he’s doing.  I also saw my favorite (closest human comparison I could make of him is to Einstein- with maintained hair).

Neurologist- productive, scheduled 3x more plasmapheresis treatments scheduled 1x month until April. Hopefully that will kick all those evil auto-immune antibodies out of me!


Dentist-if that counts, which it does, because I was there from 11-5.

 [Long story short--- I had previous corrective upper jaw surgery, which as a side effect, cracked my vampire tooth root (inscissor?) and the one next to it, closer to the center, so I had to get them fixed big time.
♦◊♦  My actual pretty teeth sample -->   
But that is just temporary to see if my bite is aligned properly with the new sizing of the teeth.
Final draft=Valentines Day. Joy.
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And of course my favorite, Dr. Huppert- my Rheumatologist.

I went in for what I guess I was a scheduled 'check up' /how's your lupus/ hows your paralyzed leg working out appointment. It went so well. He is a jack of all trades I swear. I mentioned to him my knee had been sore on my 'hurt' leg, and he says "Well yes, there's f

luid in it Rebecca." So he pulled out a big turkey baster needle, swabbed it with some iodine, and jammed it in my knee a few inches.

 It really wasn't that bad. I was amazed he was pulling synnovial fluid out of my knee, massaging the fluid out into the syringe a bit. I believe he said it was 5cc's (or mL's?) which was significant, but he's seen way worse. Heck, I didn't even know it was in there to take out so I'm good with a drop coming out- because my knee doesn't hurt anymore!!! (for now). I guess it is arthritis- but not the old age type, the lupus type.

SO Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting that today...but it was awesome. He said normally you want less than like LESS that 0.1 cc's in there, so it definitely wanted out.   (End result--> little bandaid -->swelling gone, and no pain!) Wow. The things this man pulls out of his 'hat'....he's amazing. I wonder what I'll get next time! Hehe.

AND!!!!  HE decreased my prednisone steroids another 10mg down to 40mg!!!!   That will be officially HALF of what I started at!!Woohoo- GOODBYE chipmunk face.   (Here's a pic tonight--MILD malar rash ("BUTTERFLY RASH"), in case people want to see symptoms. This is the minimum it ever appears, I can't even feel it at this level. One day I'll try to grab a comparison ''severe picture" just for those of you who are interested in seeing it.)


Physical Therapy. So, other than all those doctors, I got my KAFO Hydraulic $9000 [of insurance money :) ] brace back again today from the hydraulics screw cracking over the weekend. They fixed the screw but need to order a new hydraulic system for it so I will have to give it back to the Custom Orthotics man- Mike, once more at the end of the week :(  BUT THEN it should be fixed for good, and I’m going to be running like Forrest Gump in no time!!! (without the breaking the brace, and much pinker).—–

It also happen to have re-acquired my bronchitis [ Supposedly I gave my parents the virus while I was sick---> they suffered through it a few days ---> then I got it back I guess.] Being so immuno-compromised with the chemotherapy, prednisone steroids, etc  I guess this sick-er thing is to be expected. But  I managed to avoid being admitted to the the hospital this time, other than the x-rays Dr. Huppert had me magically admitted and xrayed on MLK day at 5pm in the Hospital across the street- which turned out well- no pnuemonia. I am just back on another run of bactrum antibiotics… and IF HE LETS ME/thinks I’m well enough, I will be allowed to get my chemotherapy on Thursday morning. He really had a problem with my cough. But my lungs are just loud and seal-bark sounding I guess. Sorry :/

————–

  • I also want to start expanding my blog- if that’s even possible. I would like to add a section for:
    • Recipes and Cooking with Lupus
    • Lupus facts/awareness <– You know, the things they don’t tell you in the books. In short sentences.
    • An awareness group??

Perhaps I can make pages…? (Like different sections of my blog?- gosh I’m so new at this! Teach me!

  • ANND I read a blog where a girl did something called ’30 days of Truth List’ where each day was a different question/topic.  (credit: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth)  I thought it was an interesting continual read each day, and could provide a lot of introspection. SOO I’m going to do that. Maybe starting tomorrow, since I just noticed it is 4am….I need to pretend to sleep and then maybe I really will!!!—————

But before I go, while I’m on randomness, two things….

1) I want to start my own (possibly join) a Lupus Awareness Group to get the word out there. I really want to be active and involved. People just don’t know enough about it. And the more info about it out there, the more research that can be done, and the more about the disease can be understood. So if anyone has any ideas about starting some sort of foundation  or non-profit? or just some other kind of group. I supposed I’d design a website, a logo, and tshirts, and information, as well as an open forum.
♦♦♦ Sounds like- and will be a lot of work- so anyone with any ideas or suggestions- please THROW them at me! :)  ♦♦♦

2) Completely random side note—I just started drinking this Body By Vi shake (powder drink mixed with milk, or substitute in one of those shakey blender bottles) which literally tastes like cake and it gives you basically all the nutrients you ever need (from foods) if you have a hard time eating healthy enough (like me) and I am in LOVE with the shakes. So much so I’m considering selling them. It’s one of those pyramid things, but it’s not a scheme… so I’m actually considering it. Otherwise I highly recommend you try it!!! OMG It’s amazing. I will do a post about it in a day or two, like a little advertisement I suppose. It’s amazing, seriously.   You WILL be hearing more about it soon!!!!!

February is going to be a big month for me. I feel lots of productivity coming on. It’ll take work, but come on- work is good for you!!!!

Have a great night/day/morning everyone!!!

XoXo Becca♥boo

Hospitals may suck, but at least they make you feel better!!!

Jan5

♥  2nd Lupus Hospital Stay – 5 days  (December 30th-January 3rd)  ♥ 

So, I probably did too much going out to Hershey’s Park and all the shopping around the city (outside)…. but I ended up with bronchitis. And so I went to the ER (because there are NO Urgent Care clinics in Philly) Friday the 29th, to make a quick stop for antibiotics, Xray, etc. They told me my Xray was good, I had bronchitis (not to mention a cough that sounded like a SEAL).  They ended up giving me a nebulizer breathing treatment, and a prescription for antibiotics and an inhaler.

The next day I felt a hundred times worse and since I had family in town, after Physical Therapy, I snuck a quick appointment into my primary care’s office.  They snuck me right on in direct admittance to the hospital….. I practically had a room and a bed ready for me before I crossed the street to get there. So that was fun. I had a nice view of city hall out my window, and NO roommate!

Once they saw me (and heard my SEAL COUGH)  they started me on 3 IV Antibiotics (Azithromycin, Vancomyacin, and Zosyn– in case anyone cares to know which) and pulled me off the Bactrum Antibioitic the ER had given me the day before. They also started me on nebulizer treatments every 4 or 5 hours, which was later changed to every 8 hours when they put me on a 24 hour masked 50% Oxygen cool mist humidifier. That was pretty much it the whole time I was there. Vital signs, pills for lung pain and coughing, other pills, respiratory therapist visits. The end. No, just kidding.Luckily I had given my sister and her family a big hug goodbye, because they were heading back home to sunny Florida that afternoon.  Anyways, I had a room and a bed on the Med/Surg floor really quickly, but I don’t think I saw a doctor or my nurse for probably 3 or 4 hours. Strange.

Other than my bronchitis, they were concerned about two things. 1) A possible blood clot in my lower right calf- which had been super painfully cramped for a few days — that turned out fine, after a 3 hour ultrasound and all. But they told me to watch it, because it was a little swollen and I had tiny leg veins for clots to hide in. And apparently lupus gives you a higher for chance for blood clots.   2) My ‘abscess‘ thing on my stomach.  It started out as a little white dot surrounded by a red circle like the size of a ‘big’ quarter, surrounded by a white circle. However by the time I was actually in the hospital it was a small black hole, surrounded by red skin, probably the size of  a large tablespoon spoon. [Check out the photo on the left] And some of  the parts in the ‘red zone’ were rock hard. Oh AND IT HURT LIKE THE DICKENS! The weird part was if you pressed on the side of my stomach, or way below the spot on my stomach, it still made me literally scream in pain–at the location of the red spot.

An infectious disease doctor came in, and touched it and stuff, and told me he thought it was a PHLEGMON. I asked if he could spell that, and he DREW me a picture!

So, here’s a picture of my re-draw that explains it a bit—>

But basically instead of an abscess or pocket of pus/infection  under my skin, most likely from an infected hair follicle, I just had infected tissue. Like, the fat skin, whatever tissues it touched were infected. But don’t worry, the surgeon came in my room all by himself with his kit, sliced me open and pulled it right out!!! Part of it had actually become necrotic [DEAD]. Fun, that’s probably why I had a fever.
[♦◊♦ WARNING - - - if you get grossed out easy, you might want to stop reading- and then I'm going to show you a picture of the incision- so stop reading here maybe? But really..... don't! It's not that bad. AND this IS a lupus blog ♦◊♦ ]

I got to watch the whole thing, thanks to local anesthesia. It was crazy- he cut it open, maybe an inch wide, but he went deep. INCHES deep. .  He cleaned it up and then reached in with his clamps and PULLED out gross, infected, interesting stuff. Not too much, but enough. It was rather amazing how he dug around in there so grotesquely His scissors were the clampy kind and he essentially reached in the hole he cut, and did this circle type thing feeling around in there under all the red stuff to make sure there was no more. And in the end it looked like a small stab wound,  next to the ‘folliculitis’ spot that originated the infection. Then he didn’t stitch it or anything because he said it needs to drain and heal from the inside out- wouldn’t want to keep any more infection in there! So he bandaged it up with a simple piece of gauze.
That was pretty much the most exciting part of my stay. Oh, and New Years Eve!!! LUCKILY, I was awoken to have my blood drawn at 11:55 pm, so I turned on the hospital tv really quick and watched. I even took a picture. I heard one or two fireworks, but being in center city, surrounded by huge buildings made it kind of hard to hear (or see) the show in South Philly.
I didn’t actually get my mini-surgery on my stomach until the next day, January 1 2012. Then after they determined I didn’t have the flu, my fever went down, and my blood cultures were alright, they let me go home late in the day on Tuesday the 3rd!!!!  They told me the blood work indicated I am NOT in a “lupus flare”! (Good news- however, this makes me realize how much I still don’t know about the technicalities of lupus- such as when you are in a flare, or remission, or just normal? )
The docs released me basically saying I just need to be careful with my skin and airways in general.  They wrote me prescriptions for Bactrum (antibiotic) 2 at a time, twice a day, 5 days. And, morphine pills. Only 14 pills, but I’m pretty sure my lungs and/or won’t hurt enough to need more. Hahaa.
Here is my ‘owwie’ now, looking pretty good. Smaller in size. I put a size comparison pencil for fun :)  I will make the two photos thumbnails in case you get grossed out. You can click them if you’d like to see bigger!!

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New Symptom?

On a separate note, I have a little  bad news. It’s a new symptom that started in the hospital. I didn’t think anything of it, it was maybe the last day or two I was in there that it started.  My right forefinger and thumb- at the very tip have sensation loss. It’s almost like I burned them, or shocked them or who knows. Or, it feels like I have superglue on the tips! [Really the tips, like you have to lift your hand and point your fingers directly downwards onto the table to feel the part I'm talking about.] I tried to ignore it, figuring it would go away, but now I have slight sensation loss in the tips of the rest of my fingers– on both hands. It’s most severe still on the first two. I called my rheumatologist and he said he’d like to see me tomorrow (even though I have an appointment in 10 days). So we will see how that goes.   I get to use my KAFO leg brace tomorrow again at physical therapy… I’m hoping I get to bring it home!!!!
That’s all for now.

XoXo BeccaBoo

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti Gawain

KAFO Leg Brace at Physical Therapy!!!

Jan4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EEEeekk!! I got to TRY ON my brace today.