Such a multi-faceted question. Right now I am in bed. In Philadelphia, PA. I haven’t gotten out of bed since my chemotherapy treatment on Thursday morning (3/15)…other than to get a drink so I could take more medicine, go to the bathroom, or today- make a meal. For the first time since Thursday- I went downstairs and cooked up some macaroni all by myself. Which I couldn’t eat, because I was too sick to my stomach. Where am I? I am hopeful tomorrow will be a better day. I’ve been telling myself that since Thursday and I think I slept an involuntary 60 hours out of the past 72. However…. I’m awake, and I’ve been awake for more than 6 hours! And I am feeling better than I was. So that is promising for tomoorrow! Hopefully I will be able to get up around 10am and actually be productive. (late, I know- but Friday I got up at 10PM!) Some people lay around all day out of laziness, and/or love it but I CAN’T handle it anymore! Tonight, when I stand up it only feels a little bit like I havepudding running though my veins. Yes, pudding. That’s the best way I can describle it. Or as if my organs are made of lumpy jello.
The super weakening jello-like, pudding feeing in my veins, has been downgraded to non-contsant. So hopefully…tomorrow I can fix up my room/finish washing my immense amount of clothes to get ready for the big move. It’s just a couple of weeks away. I’m hoping we (my dad and I- my mom is already in Dever working) can get packed and out of here in less than a month so I won’t have to do any more chemo! I’m guessing the no-chemo part will be a failed plan, but I don’t know how well I can handle another round of it. They might as well just send me up to a hospital bed next time until I recover from the treatment.
Back to ‘Where am I?’ I am a recovering newly diagnosed lupus patient- not letting lupus define me. I’m determined to get back to good health- better than before maybe. I’ve been living in Philadelphia for a year, where I moved back in with my parents to take a hiatus from college. But I am moving to Denver, CO. I’m moving near where I just came from almost exactly a year ago. It’s weird though, because I feel more now that I’m moving “back in” with my parents than I did a year ago. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more reliant on them with money, healthcare, housing, etc, or what… but I feel like I’m jusst now moving back in my parents. Weird huh?
I am excited to move. I am sad to leave the girlfriends I’ve met here, but excited to get a fresh start. Now that I have a diagnosis, a name and a treatment plan for my lupus- I’m ready to get ON WITH THINGS! Where I am right now, is not where I am staying.
When I get moved, I’m going to learn to the piano. I had lessons when I was younger, I know how to read music and all. I love singing… so I think it will be a soothing release, and who knows, maybe in time I’ll post something if it’s worthwhile
I’m also going to start back my college classes so that I can finish off my degree and work on my masters. I’m certainly not giving up on anything. Just trying harder.
In addition to getting serious about the piano (in my case-keyboard), finishing school, I’m joining Lifetime Fitness ASAP when I get to Denver, getting a trainer, nutrition program, and a healthy routine. I think it’ll be easiest to make these adjustments as I’m already in the midst of change. Right? right.
I know, totallly random post again- but I had to say something to feel alive again! I didn’t even open my commputer for the past 3 days. Now that’s a big deal.
Ps- Chemotherapy sucks. But I’m gonna kick it’s butt tomorrow doing laundry, cleaning, and doing some minor shopping. Go me!!